Hojo kun Visits the Sengoku Jidai
by Kylara
Summary: Hojo has a great girlfriend. Unfortunately, she gets sick a lot. Determined to help her, Hojo bumbles his way through the well! What will happen to Kagome and IY, now that her real boyfriend has appeared? . IY-Kag romance on crack. Chapter 2 up.
1. Prologue

Hojo-kun Visits the Sengoku Jidai - Prologue

Written by Kylara

Japanese-English Vocabulary, because Aino-san made me feel guilty, is at the end.  :D  Thanks to her for reminding me.  This is one of those brainless fluff fics I do every once in awhile so that I don't drown in angst.  It's summer break, damn it, and I'm going to well make use of it.  That is, when I'm not sleeping… At any rate, I wrote some of this fanfic after a hiatus of some month and a half, so my style of writing has changed.  Again.  ^_~ Believe it or not, the thought pattern that goes through this fic is actually how I act every single day.  Be glad – very glad - that you do not know me in Real Life.  If you do, have my pity.  Although it won't do you any good.  ::chuckles::

This fanfic is actually an IY-Kagome romance – partly.  After all, the romance delves from the man himself, HOJO!  … whose last/first name I have to make up since he doesn't seem to have one.  o.O  I usually write very canon fanfics, but – heck – not much is known about Hojo anyway, other than that he's extremely dense.  (Which is why I sympathize with him.)  Think of this as an extremely extreme Hojo.  If he's slightly weird in the manga, he's _really_ weird in this fanfic.  Anyway, I never do caricatures of characters unless it's a comedy fic, so that's my excuse.  :Þ  So there, serenitynendymion!

BIG, VERY BIG, VERY VERY BIG, thanks to Queen, who was gracious enough to beta read this fanfic and offer compliments, laughing, and criticism.

Standard Disclaimers Apply  
  
~

Hojo sighed.  The trials and tribulations were wearing dearly on him.  For starters, his dog was sick, the poor little dear.  Then, his hamster had eaten her last brood (the poor little darlings).  Then, his mother's car had broken down, leaving Hojo to be the one to push it (his poor little mother!).  And, adding insult to injury, he had only gotten a ninety-one on his last math test!  How could he ever be worthy of Higurashi at that rate?

Ah, yes.  Higurashi Kagome, the beautiful goddess of his school – and, pitiably, so ill, so often!  Wait, no, he corrected himself quickly: not pitiably, for one doesn't pity _goddesses_.  But, nevertheless, it seemed that once she recovered from one sickness, she'd fall ill again!  The horror of it overwhelmed him at times.  What if she died?  Some of the diseases she had gotten were just too horrible for words!  Oh, gods, the suffering she must go through, each and every time!  Whatever she must have done in her past life to deserve such things could not be _this_ horrible.

Although the rheumatism was, he admitted, a bit weird.  While researching therapies for the illnesses Higurashi had (to buy presents for her, naturally – he was running out of ideas), it said that one – rheumatism, for instance - was generally in adults of a more "mature" age.  But, of course, there was a good explanation, he had concluded long ago.

Higurashi was a very mature person!  

So smart… so intelligent… so pretty… so grown up for her age… so determined to smile for him, even through her pain… yes, it was _all _the _true_ sign of maturity, hence the rheumatism that had cursed her blessed fifteen-year-old bones.

She was his every dream!  Braver than Momotaro, more beautiful than Kaguya!  The possessor of a siren's voice!  Oh, indeed, his beloved was perfection incarnate!

"Mama, it's okay!" he heard, in a distant corner of his mind.  "I have enough food!  I'm late already, and Inuyasha's going to just barge here and pick me up if I don't go!  Itekimasu!"

What was that?  Hojo thought with a start.  Was that the sound of the thus-mentioned voice?  But she had contracted beriberi just yesterday…

Hojo smiled through his happy tears.  Yes, miracles did happen.  Higurashi was better!

And, completely ignoring (or, more likely, forgetting) what she had said ten seconds past, he gazed up at her beautiful form.  It was rare that he was allowed to see her when she was ill – usually her grandfather accosted him before he had gone halfway up the steps.  She was now crossing the jinja, he noted briefly, her school uniform fluttering beautifully, elegantly around her, even while lugging that impossibly large yellow pack.  He began to wave, but Kagome, obviously unable to see him due to the strain of the pack, slipped through the doors of the well house, sliding them shut behind her with a pretty little slam.

His hand dropping down disappointedly, he wondered if she was going somewhere… to the hospital?  Through the well house, of course.  

He contemplated life for a moment.

Then, he had an epiphany.

"I'll surprise Higurashi!" he exclaimed brightly, stars and fireworks flashing around him.  "She'll be in the well house, of course…" and, with all the stealth of a pregnant cow, snuck up to the well house.  All this, of course, while ignoring why his beloved would be taking a shortcut to anywhere through the well house.

He slid open the doors just in time to see Kagome jump off of the wooden barrier around the well, straight into the deep, dark depths.

"Oh, no!" he yelled frantically, and then dashed to the side of the well, clasping its sides tightly.  "Higurashi!"  But his voice echoed off into the darkness, and Kagome was nowhere to be seen.

"She… she must've fallen down all the way down the well and gotten hurt…" Images of an unconscious, horribly injured and completely helpless Kagome (all, of course, while maintaining her elegance), suddenly swamped his mind.  "I have to help her somehow!" he exclaimed, romantic fervor flooding his veins.

And so, in the brilliant manner of all males belonging to the species _sapiens _of the genus _homo_, Hojo threw himself, head first, right after her.

Never mind that if she had actually _been _prone and injured at the bottom of the well, he would have squashed her.

And never mind that he had no spiritual power, no Shikon no kakera, or even any youkai blood and-or powers.

Because he went straight through the well anyway.

~ prologue no owari

Author's Notes:

I wasn't bored when I wrote this, although one might think I was, considering the a) incredibly serious tone of this, b) the fantastic prose, and c) the incredibly original portrayal of Hojo in a light never before shone over him. 

  
Yes, I'm being sarcastic.  

This is going to be very simply pure humor & WAFF, between IY and Kagome, perhaps a side of Sango-Miroku (they're just too much fun to ignore – and if I did, I'd be a disgrace to the Sangomiroku list ^^) No TAFF.  That's for my other three million fanfics.  These chapters will also be pretty short, mainly because I am _really tired_ of writing long fanfics right now, plus school's started, and I'm overburdened by work (and the recent developments in the IY manga are making continuing WIB very difficult).  Uh, Tadaima is dying.  .

Bear with me on my Hojo assumptions.  I'm overdoing certain aspects of him, such as his naïve-ness, and his adoration of Kagome, but then where would the fun be otherwise?

And believe it or not, I have a real reason as to why he can go through the well.

Cultural References

_Momotaro_: Japanese folk-tale hero who was the size of a thumb (or was it peach? Don't remember :x).  He ended up killing a dragon (while he was this short, mind you), and married the princess that was to be killed by it.  He was yes, very brave.  Although I've heard this story many times (I love folklore and mythology), where did I get the real inspiration for it?  :D Who here has watched _Flame of Recca_?  The Kuu battle!  AHAHAHAHAHA.

_Kaguya_: Considering that the Sailor Moon S movie is the first place I heard this name, it's pretty pathetic that I didn't realize that when I mentioned it.  As Queen reminded me, no, she's not the topless snow dancer from the movie.  That's a cultural reference to another Japanese folk-tale, that of the beautiful girl, Kaguya-hime.  She, was, er, from the moon.  Very famous folk-tale, but depressing enough that it never became one of my favorites.  She was chiefly known for being incredibly beautiful, intelligent, and not human.  (She sent suitors on quests… one of those quests was to – guess what?  Get the skin of a fire-rat!)  The story is to Japan what Beauty & the Beast is to, say, the USA.  (The actual fairy tale, _not_ the Disney version, although there are quite enough versions of Kaguya to make the two easily comparable…)  On that note, mangaproject is translating a series called _Kaguya Hime_… yes, based on that same legend… it gives me the chills…

Vocabulary

**Shikon no Kakera** – "Shikon" being the 'four souls' that you ought to know by now, and 'kakera' being 'shards'.

**Itekimasu **– what you traditionally say as you're leaving your house.  Anyone still staying at home says, "Itadarashai," and when you come home, you say 'tadaima', and they say, "Okaeri [nasai]."  Yeah, uh-huh.  ^_^ A more thorough explanation is in my fanfic, "Tadaima."  Hint, hint.

Hamsters do occasionally eat their babies.  I do not know why.  Let's not get into the details.

First rough draft completed April 2, 2002 [yah, took me awhile to post, huh]

REVIEW, PLEASE, OR I WILL EAT YOU.  Okay, not really, but reviewing makes the world go round 3 chu!

Kylara@haneoka.net

http://haneoka.net/kyumi/

My fanfiction site with my friend, Yumi-chan!  ^^ I have more stuff there, always, than on fanfiction.net…


	2. Chapter One

Hojo-kun Visits the Sengoku Jidai

Chapter One

Written by Kylara

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

A warm and gushy thank-you to Queen, who beta-read this for me *_*

~ 

"Te-mee…" was all Kagome heard before she felt herself suddenly being hauled up ten feet out of the well by her backpack straps.

She smiled brilliantly – and innocently, naturally - at her captor, who – naturally - didn't react.  Nonplussed, she said sweetly, "Inuyasha, I'm not really that late today… can you let me down?"

As she was hanging in the air by the backpack straps he was holding, he set her back on the ground with an indignant thump.  "Yeah, you were.  You said you'd be back _before_ noon, and look at the sky!" he said, waving one hand pointedly at the sky, right eye twitching in anger.  If Kagome could tell what time it was according to the sun, it would be about twelve ten.  But since she couldn't, and since she had her watch and knew very well how late she was, turned to other tactics.  Clever tactics.

She cleared her throat.

With a melodic tone, she sang, "I brought more food…" her voice trailing off suggestively.

There was a long pause.

"Potato chips?" he asked gruffly, with a tinge of hope that he would be, if the situation called for it, loathe to admit.  The great-amazing-powerful-hanyou Inuyashaaaaa! – reduced to a begging puppy for, of all things, food.  He'd do the same for Kagome, too, but that was something he was, again, loathe to admit.  Unless there were people pointing pointy objects at Kagome, which happened every once in awhile, but that was, actually, not the point.

"Yep, and more instant ramen!" Kagome exclaimed cheerfully, patting her trusty yellow backpack, which, by this time, had so many holes in it from getting banged around, it was amazing that little instant ramen cups and bags of potato chips weren't floating around in the well's time stream.  "How about we go to the village now?" she finished, handing him her pack automatically, which he accepted just as automatically.  It was a routine – she was dictator, he was … lackey, for lack of a better term.  An agreeable one, at that.  Ayumi had _just_ been talking about how convenient it was to have a boyfriend (or at the very least a male slave).  They served as make-out devices/pack horses/ego boosters all in one, all for the low price of a few giggly smiles and perhaps a packed lunch or two.

  
Of course, Kagome had to pay with far more than 'a few giggly smiles' (as Ayumi had said as she had batted her eyelashes prettily at her passing boy-toy) or lunches (more like the never ending buffet).  Not to mention that Inuyasha was somewhat lacking in the first and last skills (not that Kagome would know about the first one), but she didn't concern herself with that.  Or at least thought she didn't.

Keh, Kagome thought, linking one of his arms with hers.  It was fine the way it was, wasn't it? And she smiled up at Inuyasha, who blinked.

In the next few days, she would look back upon these thoughts – or rather, not look back upon these thoughts.  Because the next days would be a horrible, painful cycle.

Kagome and Inuyasha were just beginning to stroll happily away from the well (very happily - the only thing missing from their walk was elevator music) when they, inevitably, heard a ghost.  Or at least a voice that sounded like one.

"Hiiiiiiiguraaaaaaaaashiii… where are you, Higurashi?  I'll save you, Higurashi…"

An intelligent, solitary person with a penchant for survival might have chosen the most logical decision, and kept walking.  Unfortunately for Kagome, she was not very logical.  Her personality was one that stopped her from murdering unbelievably dense teenage boys because she felt they couldn't be blamed for the way they were.  And so, instead, she stopped dead in her tracks, and felt the blood drain away from her face.  All in all, if that had been the only reaction to Hojo's call, that would have been relatively bad for him.  Unfortunately, however, it was comparatively worse, as Inuyasha was there.  And Inuyasha, being a cross between intelligent teenage boy and idiotic teenage boy, had no sympathy for ghosts, or dense teenage boys (to which Kouga was a faithful member to).  Which is why he jumped into the well, dragging Tetsusaiga raggedly out from its sheath as he fell, nearly landing atop the dense teenage ghost boy - Hojo.__

It was thanks to control on Inuyasha's part that the Tetsusaiga did not end up cutting off little vital parts of Hojo.  Good control, too, because the well was only _this_ big and Hojo was _this_ big and Tetsusaiga was _THIS_ big.  

At any rate, Kagome's worst nightmares were confirmed when Inuyasha appeared.  Not that Inuyasha was the nightmare.  More like the all-too-familiar teenage boy that Inuyasha was waving casually around by the collar of his school uniform.  To his credit, however, Hojo didn't start screaming.  Probably because his world was rapidly turning black the more Inuyasha shook him around.

Kagome was the one who screamed.

"KYAAAAAAA!  WHY IS HE HERE?" she shrieked in horror, looking at Hojo as if he was something that had just slithered out of the well.  Which he had, really, minus the slithering.

At her shriek, Inuyasha's ears twitched, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.  "Oi, Kagome, is this something I should kill?" he asked, and for effect, shook Hojo back and forth a few times.  Hojo's head lolled from side to side somewhat unpleasantly, where upon Kagome rushed forward, yelling something that to Inuyasha, sounded like, "OmigoshicantbelieveitwhatishedoingherehesfromtheschooligotoPUTHIMDOWNPUTHIMDOWNPUHIDOWNDOWNDOWN!"

It was only after having traveled with Kagome for nearly a year's time that Inuyasha was able to decipher what she had said.  Having interpreted it, and having recognized the word "school" (which was just as much of a time-taking asylum to him as it was to most high school students), he made a quick decision.  "Well," he said darkly, "that doesn't matter, does it?  All we gotta do is make him go back, right?  Just throw him back in!" and by ways of demonstrating, Inuyasha promptly did just that, tossing a very unconscious Hojo down the well.

Shrieking, Kagome jumped up and threw herself to the side of the well, just to watch Hojo rather uncomfortably…

crumple up at the bottom.

Having suddenly transformed to a fairly practical person, Kagome added numbers up.  Hojo had come through the well.  Hojo could not go _back_ through the well.  One plus two plus three plus four equals ten.

Hojo had broken the well = the well was broken.

As correct for a fairly practical (and at the moment, hysterical) person, Kagome threw herself over the barriers of the well, escaping Inuyasha merely because he himself was gaping at Hojo's battered and bruised body at the bottom.

Perhaps it was fitting that Kagome did not realize that if the well really wasn't working, she would have squashed Hojo.

Hojo was just lucky that didn't happen.

  
It didn't happen because she slid past dimensions into her own.

This, Kagome decided, as the dirt of the well crunched underneath her shoes and the well house roof hung dismally over her head, could be really bad.

~ _fin _

^_^  I did say that these were short chapters… I hope this doesn't turn anyone off the fic o.O

Special uber-thanks to: silverDust (lol, yeah, you were the first to review ^.~), Xavien (o.O I didn't even realize he sounded like Kuno until you pointed it out… but minus the arrogance & hormones, ne?), Aya (^^ not really bashing, sorry, although he's fun to use :D), ArtemisMoon (I love knowing that people think it's funny!), Leah (yeah, the notes were longer… hope you liked the length of this more ^^), Chiharuki (arigatou!), madeleine, Princess Akira (not a good reaction, heh), Nim (;_;  what a nice review!  Thank you!), kmf (yay, that was one of my favorite lines ^.~), Laura-chan (hobo, lol – we should just call him HTH now), Grrln (^^ nothing quite like seeing Hojo in action, though.. he sparkles ^.~ It's quite scary), -- blank – (my mom thinks I'm crazy too, but that's okay~), missi (sankyuu), tipi (once/week), Mad Hatter (is it possible to shine the light on him o.O), and Kiayla (lol, there are a_ lot_ of people who read Inuyasha carefully ^.~)… minna, Arigatou!  ;_;  I love comments.. they help me live.

Anyway, everyone.. it seems that I'll update again next Sunday or Saturday, if my third chapter is completed by then (I have a lot of work)… if not, then no.  ^.^;  Reviews encourage me!  Hint, hint.  Also, going to my site and signing my guestbook encourages me.  Like, a lot.  *is plugging* 

Preview for chapter 2: 

Kagome stared blankly at the dizzy Hojo, then at the arrogantly pleased Inuyasha.  And, with a clicking sound that only her dear make-out device/pack horse/ego booster - or lack thereof - could hear, set her look at _kill_.

"OSUWARI!"

-- end preview

http://haneoka.net/kyumi/


	3. Chapter Two

Hojo-kun Visits the Sengoku Jidai – Chapter 02

Written by Kylara  
  


Standard Disclaimer Applies.

  
~

In Kaede's hut in the village, an unconscious Hojo was sprawled on the wooden floor, where Inuyasha had tossed him after hauling his body out of the well.  On either side of Hojo's abused head, Kagome and Kaede held a somber vigil.  Adding to that dark effect was the fact that Kagome's complexion was slightly green.  The other various members of the troupe sat around the hut in their own positions; Sango, much to her bewilderment (and perhaps happiness), had been backed into a corner by a lazily sprawled out Miroku, and had only avoided being completely trapped by a strategically placed foot.  Behind them, Kirara and Shippou cuddled together in sleep, while Inuyasha sat, legs crossed, behind a very worried Kagome, looking fairly nonchalant (although Miroku had noted that his ears continually twitched).

Sango privately thought he was sulking, but when she had begun to comment on it earlier, she had been met with one of her very own patented glares.  So even Inuyasha learned, she mused, absently slapping the friskier of Miroku's two hands.

Nursing his wounded explorer (the consequences of venturing out for more knowledge!), Miroku felt a prevalent need to break the silence before Shippou woke up and started snickering.  "Ano… Kagome-sama?" he said hesitantly.

Kagome, who was watching the unconscious Hojo (who was turning out to be slightly boring, although you wouldn't know that from the way Inuyasha was eyeballing him with murderous fascination), looked up at Miroku rather blankly.

Miroku cleared his throat.  "This person is from… your world?"

She nodded.

"Then… does he know about you coming here?"

She shook her head.

"Then… is he not supposed to know?"

She nodded.

"Is this very bad?"

She nodded.

Inuyasha snorted impatiently at that.  "Oi, Kagome, it can't be that bad.  We can just leave him here with Kaede –"

"No!" Kagome exclaimed, slapping her hands onto the wooden floor.  "No, no, no, no!  I can't just leave him here!  He needs to go home!  If he can't, I have to stay with him!"

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed, Sango's eyes widened, and Miroku choked.  Shippou, who had woken up long ago and was smarter than he looked, hummed speculatively.  "Na, Kagome, is he someone _special_?" he asked, with a fake tinge of innocence in his voice.  He wisely hopped away from Inuyasha and backed up near Kaede.

Miroku started to laugh nervously (nervously because Inuyasha's aura had suddenly blackened), but his voice trailed off at Kagome's expression.  "Kagome-sama?"

Kagome began to examine how well her fingers linked together, and immersed herself in the art of folding her hands.  "Well, you see…" she looked at Inuyasha out of the corner of her eyes, and since he was about to punch a hole in the floor, decided against saying that she and Hojo had gone on a few 'dates'.  Then again, she realized as Inuyasha slammed a fist through the floor (creating an enormous, splintered gap and earning a dark scowl from Kaede), it probably would be worse if she didn't say anything at all.

That was when, with a massive groan, Hojo awoke.

For once, he had perfect timing.

~

"Hello?  Hojo-kun?  Are you awake?" called a sweet voice, a melodious voice, a siren's voice, a beautiful voice, an exquisite voice, a spectacular voice, a …

He was at a loss for adjectives, he realized, all because of the beautiful face that looked concernedly down at him.

Higurashi Kagome.

For a moment, he knew _exactly_ where he was – at school, his pretty girlfriend beaming beautifully at him, her features shining like so many jewels, his star of the night…

And then, he suddenly remembered that he had left bed that morning, with the intention of passing by his lovely Higurashi's home, for the one in a thousand chance of seeing her – gasp!  Perhaps even speaking with her!  But she had fallen down the well, and he had gone after her …

And then had been surrounded by a dimming, brightening myriad of azure and steel, all twisting around and around him, until he could not see… until, actually, he had ended up in the bottom of the well again.

"Are you awake?  Ne, are you awake?" he heard again, and strained his eyes to focus – focus! focus! he thought desperately, and was rewarded with the brilliant image of Kagome, worried and sad, her hands clasped together.  Ah, yes!  Kagome, the reason he was here!

… but behind her was something that had haunted him in his impromptu sleep…

… a mass of scarlet and silver, a horrible **_demon_** that had handled him like a toy, shaking and dizzying… 

… right behind Higurashi…

…

… RIGHT BEHIND HIGURASHI!  A DEEEEEEEEEEEEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! …

The synapses worked furiously to be bridged.

…

Sitting up suddenly, Hojo yanked a considerably surprised Kagome to his other side (away from the deeeemooon) – or, at least, he would have, if Inuyasha hadn't already been pulling an eeping Kagome away, upon which, having accomplished at removing his dear shard-detector from the vicinity of the huuuuumaaaaaan, he then whapped Hojo to the side of the hut with a good punch.

Kagome stared blankly at the dizzy Hojo, then at the arrogantly pleased Inuyasha.  And, with a clicking sound that only her dear make-out device/pack horse/ego booster - or lack thereof - could hear, set her look at _kill_.

"OSUWARI!"

~ _fin, I don't remember when_

Sango's looks - :)  Who can ever forget those murderous glares Sango sends Inuyasha's way when he interferes with her and Miroku?  ^_~

Eh-hem.  REVIEW.  Or E-MAIL ME.  Like, yeah.

No preview for chapter three because it isn't written yet.  T_T School is a killer… I happened to actually write these during summer break.  Feh, this sucks.  Anyway, reviews encourage me 3 so … 

::reading MPD Psycho:: o.o what is this manga on… 

Big sankyuu to the following: --blank—, Yukoma (kukukuku… I don't :D), Silent Darkness, Grrl N (XD), Chiriku (aw, then where would the fun be? ^.^), Mad Hatter (Hojo is an awfully flexible guy – I think he would make a very nice punching bag!), Tiger of the Wind, lynnxlady (buahahaha… that is all the ones that I know are good for…), ArtemisMoon (that actually fits in very well with the outcome of this story ^.^ of what I have planned so far, that is .), notaningen, Lord Cirenmas, Nim (not all, but certainly too high a percentage, ne?  ^.^ Trust me, Hojo will return… he didn't get much in this chapter either, but you will see him more), ArouraLeona (same one that I did), Aino-kaachan (Queen?  ::blushes::  wow, I am unworthy ^.^ Isn't if funny, though, how this fic is my most popular one?  I think my angst fics are on the whole, unloved, lol :D glad to get a review from you!), and Milana Pashmina!  ;_;  Everyone, I never expected to get so many reviews… *_*  I am happy.  Expect the IY-Kag romance to really start in the next few chapters… and the true exploration of Hojo's mind.  ::cackles::  Would anyone mind a cameo from Esca?  :D

Kylara@haneoka.net

http://kyumi.haneoka.net

My fanfiction-fanart site with my friend Yumi-chan ^^ check there for faster updates... hee.


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